Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
