Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
