I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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