You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
