what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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