A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
