p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
