it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
