Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
