there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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