I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
