I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
