whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
