I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
