I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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