I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
