Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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