so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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