sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
