I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
