We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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