She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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