I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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