whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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