But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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