my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize