the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize