i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
