I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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