Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
