So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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