How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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