I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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