Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
