I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
