Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
