Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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