I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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