Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
zippers are such a cool invention
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
