actually, I'm a sock model
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize