when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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