their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FUCK WHALES
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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