i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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