Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
