I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
