clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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