Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
