He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
