I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
