Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
