dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
