So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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