Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
