Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize