let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
