PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
