i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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