I didn't shave. On purpose
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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