Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Randomize
