if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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